Lord, keep me safe?

I've admitted to Chris a couple of times that I would much more eager to visit Haiti this summer if we didn't have to fly on an airplane to get there. (I don't like flying much at all) This has sparked conversations between us about fear, trust, being held back, and how different the two of us are. Chris fears very little and isn't held back by much (which explains why he loved skydiving) I however am cautious. I like to know what is coming. I've heard many times that statistics say driving a car is much more risky than flying, but it doesn't help my apprehension much. Flying requires trust in a lot that's out of my grasp-the pilot's ability, the maintenance people, the actual plane's structure/functioning, the gas tank that I didn't personally fill, the weather. Logically, it doesn't make much sense to be afraid of flying, but I still don't look forward to getting on that plane June 2 and looking down to see only the blue ocean for a few hours!!
So, do we pray that God will keep us safe? Hmmm. I have prayed that He will. I have also prayed that He will make my desire to obey Him and for eternity with Him greater than anything in this world! Today in church we sang "How great is our God", and there's a line that goes "Time is in your hands, the beginning and the end." I've always taken this to mean the beginning of time and the end of time, but today I think the Lord let me hear it as the beginning of my life and the end of my life- in His hands. Psalm 139 immediately came to mind, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." And then the entire chapter talks about how personally God knows us and the events of our lives. And I felt a surge of trust! Thank you Lord! He is helping me to give this over to Him, one plane ride I have to face at a time! Trusting Him is so hard sometimes, but it's so freeing-almost too good to be true. Thank you Lord that you care enough to put us in situations that we HAVE to lean on you. Help us to do this every day even when we might THINK we are the ones in control!

Going Back!

Yes, it's true! We have been praying this year about taking a trip back to Fauche this summer, since it is Chris's last official summer break and my job ends in May. When we left Haiti, we definitely had a desire to come back and visit, and God has made a way for us to go. We're so thankful that Chris's school (IU-Terre Haute) will be funding his entire trip, since he will be working in the clinic and getting medical experience. So we aren't going to need to raise support or delay. Thanks Lord. So we will be going June 2-June 30th, and flying on MFI. (another praise, that we were able to get seats on this missionary airline)
Going back is so different than going to Haiti for the first time. We know so much more of what to expect and can actually visualize what everything looks like. We also aren't going as strangers, which is comforting and exciting since we will get to spend time with the Thede's and visit with Haitian friends. Chris will shadow doctors in the clinic and participate with much more knowledge, which will be neat. Also, there is a team coming from the States during the second two weeks which I (Kath) will get to help out with. Those are the two main things we have planned about our trip.
Wow, going for one month versus going for eight months seems completely different! Suddenly a month seems very short, while before it would have seemed like a very long missions trip. It is also different- in a cool way- going to a place that we have been before. All school year we've been talking here and there about the possibility of going, and what we could do there, but also what we could do instead. Honestly it's been hard not to choose to do our own thing in June. We love Haiti, there are so many aspects to draw us there, but it's also not a vacation spot. We prayed that God would make it happen or keep us here- so we are going with gratitude, God has definitely provided!
It has been interesting talking with friends, family, and co-workers about Haiti this year. We are still unsure about how to talk about it! We don't want to romanticize it, don't want to make it sound worse than it was, want to be honest but not too negative or go too deep when someone is just asking to be polite (haha) and don't know how to explain things or what we've learned very well! I'm sure this is a completely common experience for people who go overseas. Or even for people who go away to college or go through any time in life away from the "norm." I have found myself trying to explain not giving to everyone who asks to co-workers who simply could not understand and felt like I needed to defend myself and people they don't even know, we have found ourselves telling stories about Haiti and then later wondering if people are sick of hearing about it!, and many other scenarios. I wish I had the perfect response to everyone, and a way to tell about God's faithfulness, but it can't be summed up very easily! We feel protective of Haiti and the Thede's and their ministry and what we learned through being their "kids" for a few months. But it is just impossible to share it all! Which has been a challenge! But it's also been fun to talk about and discover what we learned, how we changed.
Well, all this to say that we are really anticipating our trip and whatever God has in store. Thank you Lord that we are able to go back. Thank you Thede's for taking us back, and thank you cockroaches and spiders for kindly evacuating our house before we return. Please pray for us as we prepare to go!
(picture of Chris doing a sweet volleyball pose at Sloan family Easter)

Suddenly I wanted to write a blog!

Maybe this is self-centered but I've been reading back through some of our blogs this week and enjoying it! It's been a while since I've visited our blog and I used to look at it and at least try to write something so often last year. There are so many memories and experiences to cherish in writing and picture form here!

While we think about Haiti all the time the subject of our/my thoughts changes as the days go by. Based on the news, what we hear about our friends in Fauche, updates from the Thedes, and what has most recently brought on the thoughts: what we are doing here in the US that corresponds somehow to what we did or where we were last year. Right now, it's Christmas-time.

I remember fighting for contentment last year when Christmas time rolled around. I love Christmas. And yes I love the true meaning, but I also can't deny a love for the music, lights, shopping, basically everything that has been added on to the real reason for the holiday. In Haiti it was hot, muggy, there were very few Christmas decorations around town, our shopping mall was the Port Margot market, and there were no familiar family gatherings. My mom and dad came to visit, which was so great! But it still wasn't the same. Sometimes I would sit and anticipate next year (now this year) when all would be back to normal and we would be back home. Deep down I felt like I would be happy then, and that everything would be right. Not that I wasn't happy in Haiti. I loved our time and knew that I would miss it when it was over. but so many changes and stretching experiences made day to day life a struggle at times. We were safe, well-fed, and had each other, but I felt such a pressure to figure out how to be content in an uncomfortable reality. How to be the perfect missionary woman I always pictured and wanted to be!

Anyway, I'm having kind of a weird moment because I am sitting in our living room next to a lovely Christmas tree with Christmas music on, heat in the house because it's cold out and there's snow, knowing we are leaving in a week and a half to go to my parents house for Christmas and then on a trip with Chris's fam after that. Comfort!! Familiarity. And as much Christmas shopping as I want. (I mean, within reason, :) And I knew this would happen, but I am coming to the understanding that joy, contentment, happiness, which all mean slightly different things but are generally related, don't come with all this stuff. Yes it's so nice! And I love it! But I feel the familiar unrest that I felt last year, and the desire to be grounded so well in the Lord and to trust him so much that peace and joy never leave. Maybe that doesn't completely happen until we are physically with him, in eternity! But I hope that in this life we can keep getting closer to him- letting the things on earth we hold so dear get less important to us.

God has been so good to us. Chris and I were given such a special gift when God made a way for us to go to Haiti and spend our first year of marriage there. We are still learning so much from it. It's so exciting to see how God has a plan for us. I always want to walk in his ways and grow closer to him. I'm thankful his joy is so deep that I can't figure it out and that it comes no matter where we are. I'm glad this Christmas season hasn't given me the ultimate happiness I secretly thought it would. I'm glad that can only come through a right relationship with the Lord!

Needless to say, this blog is long overdue! It is harder than we imagined to keep up with it while back in the fast pace of life in the U.S. We are not used to having so many places to go, people to see, and details to attend to. We have been asking the question, is it possible to live a simple life here?
Yes, but sacrifices are required in order for that to happen. Some of those sacrifices are doable, and probably even a good idea...less commitments, less t.v. watching, taking Sunday as a day of rest, etc. But some are trickier. Relationships require a great deal of time and energy, and if we aren't willing to be busy for people and become selfish with our time in hopes of achieving a simple life, that can't be what God has intended for us. In Haiti we were able to do both it seemed. We had more time, because we didn't have 9-5 jobs, and our finances were taken care of. Less was culturally expected of us too. Back here we are faced with expectations for what kind of house we will live in, jobs we will have, how often we see people, what ministries we are involved in. It's all a little confusing, but we are trying to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and what he requires of us.
As Chris mentioned in the last blog, we aren't able to successfully define how we've changed in Haiti or put into good words all the things we learned! It is difficult to even talk about sometimes. The place and people that became very dear to us is suddenly very far away and we are back in a different life. Our exposure to poverty hasn't led us to sell all of our possessions or make drastic changes, although we do have a different perspective which we pray will be honoring to God as we embark out on our own! We don't feel that we have many answers or profound things to share other than that God is so faithful. His faithfulness to us is beyond words. He has brought this trip to completion and that alone is amazing! He answered many prayers, big and small. We are confident that God is alive, he is big, and he is with us.We need prayer for Chris as he starts medical school in August. Praise God-he got a great scholarship that will pay all his tuition and fees in return for 4 years of service in an underserved area in Indiana after residency. He is so thankful because he feels like now he won't have to rush out after med school and rake in as much money as possible to pay off loans. One thing our time in Haiti confirmed is his desire to be a family doctor and have a practice that is different. Not sure exactly what that will look like, but how cool that God has already set his course in that direction. We also need prayer as I am looking for a job and trying to be wise in the process. Please pray that we can find a good church family and get to know our neighbors when we move as well.
Thank you for reading. And for being patient with us. We aren't the perfect short term missionaries, obviously! But God is bigger than our shortcomings, thankfully!
The last two pictures are from our house in Terre Haute. As Anna predicted, the house and even the bathroom seem spacious to us! And the porch reminded us of Cory and Kris's house on La Gonave. They say it gets really hot in there in the summer. We'll see how that compares to 'hot' in Haiti!

We are still alive and surviving in America

Hey everybody. Sorry it has been so long. If there is one thing that has been hard to adjust to it is how we have hit the ground running! This is not a bad thing... it is more the nature of life when you try to see and do as much as you can in a little amount of time.
We are currently in the northwest suburb of the windy city feeling the chill of spring weather. We just returned last night from a long visit to Indiana where we spent time with the Sloan's in Kendallville. During our time in IN we drove down to Terre Haute to look for a place to live. We didn't really know what to expect, but we knew that we needed to look. We don't have a lot of free time between now and the time we want to move so at least we wanted to see our options and what the housing market is like. We quickly decided on finding a rental house because of the nature of owning a home (I, Chris, would have to fix anything wrong with it) such as trying to sell it when we move from Terre Haute. After visiting 30 places in two days we found a great little cottage that we decided to lease for two years. God answered our prayers. We are very excited to move in early July and to finally be able to open and use our wedding gifts in our new home.
A great part about being in Terre Haute was that we got a chance to see a college suitemate of mine, Steven Hartman, and stay with his grandparents. It was great to see old friends and to be made to feel so welcome! Thanks Hartmans.
We had the opportunity to speak at Main Street Wesleyan Church in Jonesboro, IN last Sunday. We felt like we had stepped back into college days when we attended there. We were in charge of the speaking for the morning so we did our best. We don't know exactly what we said but we hope that someone was blessed by it. I don't know how or when but God will continue to use this experience in Haiti to change us.
I do not feel as changed as I thought I would. I thought I might come back and want to live in a cardboard box or something equally as extreme. Yet, I don't think that is why we went to Haiti or what God had in store for us to learn in Fauche. We went out of obedience and we went to grow up a little. Kathleen and I have grown so much in every area of our lives. Some of this growth could have taken place here in the USA but not all. We are settling back into American culture and doing things that most Americans do with a little difference in us that we cannot pinpoint. We will continue to see what this looks like as our lives unfold.

We are in Schaumburg Illinois and in my parent's house, safe and sound! Praise God. Many prayers were whispered as we flew across the ocean and into FL during a storm. Thank you so much for praying for us.

Haiti feels far away, but it is SO close to our hearts as we see everything familiar again! We can't begin to express an answer to the question, "How was Haiti?" and know that it will take some time for us to understand all that we learned (probably, we never will!) and realize that we did indeed go to Haiti, live there, and now we are back. In the land of carpet, squeaky clean toilets, and cold weather it is hard to make sense of the other world we lived in only yesterday! But we are doing well. Goodbyes are always so tough. Pulling out of campus on Sunday it did not seem like we were the ones being driven to the airport. But the time had come and now we trust that though we are different God is the same and he will help us as we figure all this out! We will write more when we are less sleep-deprived and in this strange state of culture shock! :) Thank you again for the prayer!

It's Thursday already and we are starting to pack up. It's sad! Although we can't deny our excitement about going home, seeing our families, and being back where things are familiar. Though Haiti has become familiar to us in many ways. We are now used to being a minority and ignoring stares and laughter as we walk down the road, and it will be weird to simply blend in again. Going to the grocery store will be quite a different experience than going to the market here. No negotiating for the price, getting confused about Haitian money and drawing a crowd, having people yell out Blanc! as you walk past their little assortment of veggies, and definitely a bit more variety when it comes to cereal and things like that. We decided there should be an emotion called "Transition." You can't put your finger on exactly what it's like, it's not all happy or sad, it's a mixture of a bunch of things. That's how we feel!
We will miss the Thedes who have become like family to us. We have eaten lunch with them every single day (minus a few due to sickness) for the past eight months, not to mention going on church visits, eating dinner some nights, going up to their house at least once a day to ask a question, borrow a movie, do laundry, help with school, borrow a cup of sugar (literally, I did that today) and countless other times. We have learned what it looks like to open your home to someone and how to live so closely with another family that is not technically family. We won't know how many sticky situations we have been spared of because of their wisdom about Haiti and culture; they gave us a lot to chew on as we came in with no experience and lots of grand ideas. We're so thankful. We hope to see them in the winter when they travel to the US for a few months. Until then we will keep in touch through email and letters.
I have not mentioned what all these pictures are about. The first is from the little party our first class threw for us on Tuesday. Here is a peak into the slowness of life around here. It was supposed to start at 4pm. At 4:15, we started thinking we might have the wrong day, since there was no sign of anyone. (We should have known!) We called Jasmine, and she assured us that she was coming, the party was today. After a bit, some students started to meander their way up to the guest house. They let it slip that there was a "gato" or cake, coming, but it wasn't ready yet. So we sat, talked, and were entertained by our students who took turns singing, talking, and telling jokes for us, while a few people at a time would slip out to go check on the gato which was being made at a house nearby. At about 5:40, the gato arrived! It was HOT out of the oven, and frosted a lovely pink with our names on top! We ate large pieces and enjoyed it. Our students then surprised us with two more gifts, a wooden sailboat with our names painted on it, and a rose. We were taken aback, it was so nice! After many thank you's back and forth, we all waited out the rain together for a while, then eventually went home feeling really blessed.
The other picture is of us and David, our Creole teacher and now English student. He came by to take some pictures of us yesterday. The picture with the many many kids is from the children's program that took place yesterday afternoon. Can you see our little white faces stuck in there??They also thanked us more than we deserved. John Pierre and the two other men that run the program presented us with two wooden carved things- So neat! They were so happy to give us these things. They probably don't realize how much of a blessing they have been to us, rather than vise versa.
Lastly, I just wanted to throw in the picture of the new occupant to Bitsy's old spot next to our house. I don't think I mentioned this, but after we came back from Port au Prince, we found out that Bitsy is no longer with us :( Though we are all pretty happy for him, since he looked near-death most of the time. But we (okay just I) have missed having our unofficial first pet around. It was good to see his spot filled by this skinny little guy!! And Chris does have a soft spot...He was the one who fed him bread this morning!!

Thanks for reading, and praying. All this change is about to be thrust upon us, and it's hard to keep our feet on the ground. We pray we will keep our eyes fixed on Jesus these next few days.