While we think about Haiti all the time the subject of our/my thoughts changes as the days go by. Based on the news, what we hear about our friends in Fauche, updates from the Thedes, and what has most recently brought on the thoughts: what we are doing here in the US that corresponds somehow to what we did or where we were last year. Right now, it's Christmas-time. 
I remember fighting for contentment last year when Christmas time rolled around. I love Christmas. And yes I love the true meaning, but I also can't deny a love for the music, lights, shopping, basically everything that has been added on to the real reason for the holiday. In Haiti it was hot, muggy, there were very few Christmas decorations around town, our shopping mall was the Port Margot market, and there were no familiar family gatherings. My mom and dad came to visit, which was so great! But it still wasn't the same. Sometimes I would sit and anticipate next year (now this year) when all would be back to normal and we would be back home. Deep down I felt like I would be happy then, and that everything would be right. Not that I wasn't happy in Haiti. I loved our time and knew that I would miss it when it was over. but so many changes and stretching experiences made day to day life a struggle at times. We were safe, well-fed, and had each other, but I felt such a pressure to figure out how to be content in an uncomfortable reality. How to be the perfect missionary woman I always pictured and wanted to be! 
Anyway, I'm having kind of a weird moment because I am sitting in our living room next to a lovely Christmas tree with Christmas music on, heat in the house because it's cold out and there's snow, knowing we are leaving in a week and a half to go to my parents house for Christmas and then on a trip with Chris's fam after that. Comfort!! Familiarity. And as much Christmas shopping as I want. (I mean, within reason, :) And I knew this would happen, but I am coming to the understanding that joy, contentment, happiness, which all mean slightly different things but are generally related, don't come with all this stuff. Yes it's so nice! And I love it! But I feel the familiar unrest that I felt last year, and the desire to be grounded so well in the Lord and to trust him so much that peace and joy never leave. Maybe that doesn't completely happen until we are physically with him, in eternity! But I hope that in this life we can keep getting closer to him- letting the things on earth we hold so dear get less important to us.
God has been so good to us. Chris and I were given such a special gift when God made a way for us to go to Haiti and spend our first year of marriage there. We are still learning so much from it. It's so exciting to see how God has a plan for us. I always want to walk in his ways and grow closer to him. I'm thankful his joy is so deep that I can't figure it out and that it comes no matter where we are. I'm glad this Christmas season hasn't given me the ultimate happiness I secretly thought it would. I'm glad that can only come through a right relationship with the Lord!
