Confession

Reading our friends' blog describing their experience on the mission field in Africa has me feeling a mixture of emotions tonight- joy for them- they're blown away by a great ministry. Anticipation- what will they take away from this, how will it impact and change them, will they be called to full time missions? And then the ugly emotion of jealousy underneath it all- I wish WE were seeing beautiful sights of Africa, joining a busy Christ-filled ministry, sharing our new journey. I realize in these moments that so much of my walk with Christ has little to do with Christ and a lot to do with me. Christ is the same here and across the sea, in the faces of Haitians, Africans, and Americans and present in their world. I wish I understood the story of Christmas and Christ's coming more deeply.
And then comes the peace-giving knowledge that a life seeking after that understanding will be full of meaning and growth. Understanding the significance of Christ's coming isn't something we can do in a moment and move on- it is a lifetime of learning and changing! Seeking his face will provide the fulfillment we long for and that will only be completely realized when we are with him in Eternity. For now I better fight these feelings of jealousy and realize that the story of our lives had better be more about HIM than about US. It better be focused on Him intently so that I don't forget that life isn't about awesome experiences and being the most exciting Christian (although I can't deny I like the idea of both of those things!)
Maybe God will allow us to return to Haiti, or travel somewhere else overseas. Maybe he will keep us in Terre Haute for residency, or have us start over somewhere else in Indiana. By my standards I guess Indiana doesn't sound too exciting but praise the Lord that really walking with Christ one day at a time can have an impact wherever we are, whoever we are with, and whatever we do.
Heading to bed with peace in my heart, genuine excitement for my friends, and a super thankful heart for a God who does something supernatural in us- washes away our sinful feelings, grants us understanding, and settles us with peace.